Casual Sex

Sticky.

Like the dampness between my thighs

after 5 or

15 minutes of copulating

it’s over.

Naked

we lay next to each other

talking about

Star Wars

and

Pokemon

but never going beyond

because this is only casual.

Whether they are an

ex-boyfriend

classmate

friend

coworker

foreigner

they will never be referred to as

my lover.

I could call up an ex right now

and tell him,

“Hey, I miss you.

We should get together sometime” and

he would not have the time

of day for me.

But

I could text him,

“hey i’m horny

wanna hook up?”

and we would be promptly scheduled to bang

at 1:00pm on a Friday.

Once the happy ending

of orgasm is achieved

romance

is dead.

Because this is only casual.

Movie scripts and

TV sitcoms promise

sex to be

memorable

expected

whimsical

leading to

accidental

love

but fucking does not equal to

love making

It is exhausting to only be

the booty call

friend with benefits

one night stand

kind of

girl.

Staring at off-white ceilings with

dusty swirling fans

while he snores next to me

I  

Lay uncomfortably on

unfamiliar mattress

left wondering if

he noticed the surgery scar

on my side

or when I gaged

while going down on him

he never once paused

to express any amount

of care

because

this is only casual.

I was

comfortable being

the quick fuck

no strings attached

hook up.

But

I crave

to be

gazing up at a star lit night

fully clothed

holding hands

the kind of connection

that does not exist in

the bedroom.

Because I am more

than just

casual.